Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
