in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
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