Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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