She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
