Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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