He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
