come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I don't �care how much you're grieving �a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.�
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
