Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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