Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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