not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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