I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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