I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
