Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
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