he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
