I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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