He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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