Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
