Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
