Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
