The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
