Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I bet he comes in French.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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