I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Randomize
