My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
