I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
