my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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