Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
