Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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