sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
