oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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