i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
