my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
