Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
