I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
