I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
this just has baby written all over it
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Randomize
