I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
