i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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