how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
