that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
