Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
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