Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Just pee around me
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
