the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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