mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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