Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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