I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Pants are for mortals
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
