could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
