a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
