Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Congratulations! We have a period
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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