I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
she woke up with a sticky ear
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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