Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
