My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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